Why does practically everything I do seem to have to have some selfish motive behind it? Often it is incredibly subtle. There's something innate, a permanent fixture of my being that incessantly struggles for survival, its own happiness; constantly grasping, growling, scrabbling to improve its position. Some people call it human nature. Paul called it "the old man." I've dubbed it The Old Selfish. It can be quite dictatorial and imperious, attempting to control everything I do, to be sure it is for its protection, comfort and overall benefit...to edify and entrench itself in its already formidable fortress. It is a master of deception. Even when I do something that seems others oriented, if I carefully scrutinize my motives, the Old Selfish has merely allowed the action in order to make itself look good, or at least feel good. GRRRR. Can't win for loosing! The Old Selfish struggles for existence, and dies hard. (It has broken all records for most times resurrected.) In fact, just the labeling of this problem as "The Old Selfish" may be just another aspect of my selfish instinct. It kind of detaches the problem by calling it something that I can view as not part of the real me, when the problem is really just me. And the worst part is that I know it's not God's plan for me to be like this. Everything He has done has always been all about others with no ulterior motives. He didn't make me to be this way. I've been infested with the Satan's nasty plague. At least I don't have to be this way. God promises that. He and I are working on it. Progress is slow and I'm sure to have a great many more funerals for The Old Selfish, but its got to run out of lives one of these days. :-) Esp. with all the whup action. Time for me to let God up the ante. :-)  ¶ 10:57 PM